Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
