well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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