I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
