she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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