Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
