Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
