Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
