we have officially lost it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize