On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
