No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
