The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
