Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
