that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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