Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
