Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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