you traded sex for a burrito?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
