Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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