it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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