so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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