My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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