"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
