You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize