I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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