C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
