nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
