A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
