i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
