I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she woke up with a sticky ear
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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