Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
