If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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