Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
