Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
