i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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