were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
