tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Who did Billy Mays play for?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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