My friends, they love my intelligence
now i know why i became what i already was.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
