my phone needs a breathalizer
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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