u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
