The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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