my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
