Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize