1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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