It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wear drunk well.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
