if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
