I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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