I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
