I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
