I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
