So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
