I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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