I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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