$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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