I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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