Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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