I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
