I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think i have two assholes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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