i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
