it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
