Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
