I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what day is it and did you see me today?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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