dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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