Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
