The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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