are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
