She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
