How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
