I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i now understand why vodka
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
