i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize