i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
