made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize